


Looking for a Pulse

by jestwane (transience)



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hospitals, M/M, Running Away, Slight mystery, Social Media, possibility of character death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4174566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transience/pseuds/jestwane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akashi leaves after the Winter Cup.</p><p>At first no one notices, or dismisses it as family or business matters, but no one has seen him since the Winter Cup.<br/>They set out to find him, or at least contact him, but it seems that maybe there was more lost that day then the Trophy itself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kuroko: Meet

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based off a mandarin short story I can't for the life of me remember the title of. I only remember that I had to google translate every other word. Welp.
> 
> I'm kind of experimenting with writing styles in this one so please excuse any tense errors.

The Winter Cup had just ended, and it seemed as if the destinies of the Miracles had reached their denouement—for now, anyway.

Left in the shadow of the Cup were two groups:  
One was Seirin and all those who had rooted for them, Ogiwara and the other Miracles save Akashi, all bright smiles and congratulatory cheers. Even Murasakibara was there with them, beside Himuro as he congratulates his brother, munching on chips.

The other was of course Rakuzan, and perhaps those who had something against Seirin. The smiles they wore, if any, never reached their eyes. Hanamiya has a scowl on his face, and the Uncrowned Kings and Akashi as well, remained Uncrowned. Losers. A Disgrace. Disappointments. The first time in years that Rakuzan had given up their monopoly in High School Basketball.

And they had been so close, too. But even Akashi’s Eye cannot make up for everything. One man against three, Akashi can handle. Against five, it was a different story.

Any other observer might have been in awe of Akashi. He played exceptionally. Even that period of poor form was somewhat acceptable, considering the high-level conversation/monologue?/dialogue?/battle? going on in his mind. Akashi was a formidable opponent, and now he was clashing against himself. It was a wonder he could even manage any semblance of a pass, or a dribble, or a shot.

Then he changed, and he managed to find not only the key to his own zone, but brought his whole team, who he really had just met, with him as well. In that sense his zone was already akin to the second door, but THIS Akashi was barely acquainted with his team, relying on his Eye and mere observation and instinctive assessing to coordinate masterful plays. This Akashi also didn’t have a shadow. Perhaps Tetsuya could have been his, once, but sometimes lights get too bright for shadows to stay.

During the game itself, the other him, his weakness, seemed to be screaming at him. “Win”, “crush them”, “defeat”, “absolute” and Akashi had to hold back. There had been a small chance to break Seirin’s zone. His teammates’ were at least able to deal with Kagami’s, and Akashi stood a relatively good chance against Kagami. Seirin’s Zone would not work if Seirin was separated, now, would it? A one-on-one defense could go both ways, and Akashi was flexible enough to use a defensive strategy for an offensive play.

But no. That would mean he’d be alone. And right after reverting back to this state, he could not risk it. Akashi wanted to see this game through till the end. His weakness could not be given the chance to resurface. His father’s words ring all too clearly in his ears. “If you fail…”

Choices, choices, choices. To win the Cup, but risk losing himself? Or to play it safe, and … fail?

Akashi chose. He doesn’t know if he chose correctly.

Despite the miniscule curl of the lip present on their faces, their true feelings were betrayed by slumped shoulders, and the quietness with which they exit the Sports Hall. Reo’s head seemed perpetually turned down to one side, gaze averted, Nebuya wasn’t accounting his failure to his lack of muscle, and even Hayama seemed subdued, dragging his feet to the doorway.

But the Kings knew, following the Emperor would mean no one would cheer for them. Emperor’s were destined to stand alone, with only their closest by their side. But they were also destined to what must feel like betrayals when any one leaves.

The emperor follows his team out the doors, pausing to look back for the last time. There were things he had to do, after all, and there was no point in lingering.

* * *

 

When Kuroko turned, he had expected to meet sanguine eyes.  
To his disappointment, they weren’t there, and Kuroko feels his smile slip, just a little.

 

* * *

 

 

> **Group: TEIKO BASKET  
>  Members: Akashi-kun, Aomine-kun, Kise-kun, Midorima-kun, Momoi-san, Murasakibara-kun, You**
> 
>                _Kise-kun is typing…_
> 
> 19:06 Kise-kun:  KUROKO-CCHI!!!!!
> 
> 19:06 Kise-kun: CONGRATS ON WINNING THE WINTER CUP~~  
> 
> 19:06 Kise-kun:  \\( ﾟヮﾟ)/ ☆.。.:*・°。.:*・°☆＼(＾O＾)／
> 
>                _Murasakibara-kun is typing…_
> 
> _Momoi-san is typing…_
> 
> _Midorima-kun is typing…_
> 
> 19:06 Murasakibara-kun: Mmn congrats kuro-chin
> 
> 19:06 Momoi-san: Tetsu-kun played really well today! <3
> 
> 19:07 Midorima-kun: I believe congratulations are in order.
> 
>                _Aomine-kun is typing…_
> 
> 19:07 You:  Thank you, everyone.
> 
> 19:07 Aomine-kun: AAHAHHAHA YEAH DID YOU SEE AKASHIS FACE WHEN HE LOST??!!
> 
> 19:07 Aomine-kun: I DIDNT KNOW KAGAMI HAD IT IN HIM
> 
>                _Momoi-san is typing…_
> 
> _Aomine-kun is typing…_
> 
> 19:07 Momoi-san: DAI-CHAN!!
> 
> 19:07 Aomine-kun: GREAT JOB TETSU!!
> 
>                _Akashi-kun is typing…_
> 
> 19:07 Aomine-kun: SHIT
> 
>                _Akashi-kun is typing…_
> 
> 19:08 Aomine-kun: Please don’t kill me
> 
> 19:09 Aomine-kun: …
> 
>                                                                                                                                                       _Seen by everyone_

 

* * *

Kuroko supposed that’s where it all started, the night of the Winter Cup. Aomine-kun was being an idiot as usual, but they were all used to his sometimes thoughtless or callous remarks. They knew Aomine, and they knew he doesn’t mean to hurt with his words. But Akashi-kun…

 

Kuroko pulls up Akashi’s profile.

 

> Akashi-kun  
>  Status: I am absolute.  
>  Last seen: yesterday, 19:08

 

He opens the profile of Akashi’s outside-school number as well.

 

> Akashi Seijuurou  
>  Status: Busy  
>  Last seen: yesterday, 23:44

 

Ah… Akashi-kun probably had business with his father.

Kuroko’s phone buzzes.

 

 

> New Text!  
>  Kagami-kun: Oi kuroko, lunch at maji? Ill pay.
> 
>  
> 
> You replied: Sure.

 

 

> New Text!  
>  Kagami-kun: cya 2pm

 

* * *

 

Kuroko walks into Maji’s, and the first thing he notices is the table in the corner. Why? Well the shouts, whines, laughs and grumbles that resounded from the table in varying tones were hard enough to ignore by itself, but the individuals the voices belonged to had really colorful hair as well.

He sees Kise’s yellow next to Aomine’s blue next to Momoi’s pink, Midorima’s green next to his partner who seemed to be shaking with laughter, Murasakibara’s purple next to Kagami’s dark red, Himuro chuckling beside across them.

“Hello.”

“EH TETSU?!! HAVE YOU BEEN THERE THIS WHOLE TIME??!!”

“No, I just got here.”

“KUROKO-CCHI DON’T SCARE US LIKE THAT!!!!”

“TETSU-KUN, SIT NEXT TO ME!!”

 

Kuroko looks around.

“Ano, is Akashi-kun here as well?”

“Ehh? Akashi-kun?”

“Nah he’s probably too rich to even go here.”

 

Ignoring the chatter, Kuroko pulls out his phone.

 

 

> Contact: Akashi-kun
> 
> “Would Akashi-kun like to meet at Maji’s? The others are here as well.”
> 
> Sent: 14:04
> 
> Seen: 14:04
> 
>  

At the top of the message bar, Kuroko swore he had seen the declaration of "Akashi-kun is online" flash momentarily. But he blinked, and it's gone.  
Kuroko received no reply. He pulls up Akashi’s profile again.

 

> Akashi-kun  
>  Status: -  
>  Last seen: -

 

So Akashi had been online. Kuroko doesn’t know what to make of it.

* * *

 

“Have any of you seen Akashi-kun lately?”

“Akashicchi? Nope.”

“Dai-chan’s still alive so we couldn’t have seen him either.”

“...”

“Oi Tetsu. What’s with all the questions about Akashi anyway?”

“…”

“Tetsu-kun?”

 “… It’s nothing.”

 

 

 

 

 

It's not nothing.

 


	2. Midorima: Cliffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You misunderstand me, Midorima.
> 
> “I called you here to say goodbye.”

* * *

* * *

 

> Older Messages
> 
> MANPROPOSES77: Would you be willing to play with me a game of shogi?
> 
> MANPROPOSES77: It has been a while.
> 
> SE1JUUROU: Is that really the question you wish to ask, Midorima?

 

Midorima can almost hear Akashi say the words on the screen, almost hear the way he intones the sentence as if stating a fact rather than posing a question.

But who was he to say he knew Akashi well enough? None of them ever did.

He could say he knew Teiko’s Akashi’s mannerisms, but then so did Kuroko.

They had both noticed the change: Kuroko because of his keen observation and close proximity, Midorima because he had known him, they had shared some sort of camaraderie, the six of them, after all, but it was _he_ who had gone up against andmhad lost to Akashi countless times.

Midorima recalls Kise going against Aomine, remembers the blond telling the bluenet that he knew him best, after losing to him every one-on-one. Midorima felt like telling Kise then, that it did not matter how many times you go up against a person, if you’ve never been good enough in their eyes. Midorima loses to Akashi in almost anything save height. Grades, Shogi, Basketball… even his Luck had not given him enough of an edge to beat Akashi. Kise’s defeats pale in comparison to his.  


But fact statnds that apparently neither had cared enough for their _friend_ then to reach out to him when he was still their captain, so who was to say that they’d care enough to reach out to _this_ Akashi? This Akashi who was all but a stranger to them.

 

> MANPROPOSES77: No.
> 
> SE1JUUROU: I’m done here then.
> 
> MANPROPOSES77: wiat
> 
> MANPROPOSES77: aakhsi
> 
> **_SE1JUUROU is offline. Unsent messages will be delivered upon next log in._ **
> 
> MANPROPOSES77: sei
> 
> MANPROPOSES77: please
> 
> ...

 

Midorima has sighed, deleting the unsent messages on his chatscreen. He had no idea if that action had merely hidden them from his view, or if Akashi would never get them.

No matter.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day Midorima logs in out of habit.

Back in Teiko, Akashi and he had been particularly early risers, although he suspects sometimes Akashi hadn’t slept at all, instead working on the latest assignment his father had given him. He had typed out a ‘hello’ once, and it started their morning exchanges. They never ran out of topics to discuss—Ethics, Luck, Sports, Economics, Midorima has never been more grateful that he has at least been taught the basics in such things, and was able to comprehend new information quickly enough to keep up with Akashi.

Sometimes Akashi would consult him to help go through a report his father had told him to write, asking Midorima to check for spelling or punctuation errors for the most part. Akashi was open to his suggestions, though, and sometimes revised certain phrasing or sentence structure on Midorima’s word that they were slightly hard to grasp. Midorima had never caught an outright error on Akashi’s part, though, save the morning of that fateful day, and even then it had only been an innocent error Midorima had marked off to a slip of the fingers, an ‘m’ being switched as an ‘n’ in the word ‘minimum’.

Akashi never approached him for a second opinion after that day, and their conversation the previous day left unfinished. Midorima had deleted that thread, and now he cannot even recall what they had been discussing.

He still logs in out of habit, just to see the green dot next to Akashi’s ‘busy’ status.

 

* * *

 

But this day he is surprised to see that Akashi had responded.

 

> Today
> 
> SE1JUUROU: I will be at the cliffs tonight. Do come.
> 
> MANPROPOSES77: I'll be there.

 

 

* * *

Japan’s cliffs are well-known for two major reasons.

The first is their beauty.

The second is death.

* * *

 

 

Of course there were many factors that added up to its beauty -- the waves that crash with a passion against the jagged rock, sea foam illuminated by moonlight, the lines of weaknesses on the rocks that gives it the myriad of shades in each facet, the elements corroding its surface to reveal cheap minerals embedded within rock, the crashing sound of the waves that drown out the dripping moisture from the cave ceiling, the still shallow pools of water that sometimes reflect the stars, the rocky outcrop that threatened to collapse.

These summed up the cliffs’ beauty.

These are also the reasons why there were so many deaths.

Waves can drag you under, and rocks can still cut, no matter how pretty they are.

 

Akashi held this sort of beauty as well. Dangerous, but not particularly aggressive.

As Midorima pulls into the nearby car park, he notes the absence of any other vehicle. He gets out anyway.

Sure enough, he finds Akashi there, casually standing near the edge. As he turns, Midorima catches sight of the sign behind him.

It reads: If you’re contemplating suicide, please call a loved one, a friend, or this 24/7 hotline.

A number peeks out behind Akashi's silhouette, edges neatly printed on the white sign.

The ominous message sent chills down Midorima spine, and he clutches onto his lucky item, a friendship bracelet, just a little tighter.

He knows Akashi noticed, he saw the glint in those red eyes.

 

“You came.”

“Of course.”

 

“Akashi, come back.”

“Why should I, Midorima?”

“They’re all worried.”  
  


Akashi pads to the railings, gripping it as his hair whips in the wind.

Midorima hears the sigh even with the strong wind.

 

“Why the cliffs?” Midorima asks instead.

“Why not?”

“It’s dark out. And dangerous. Shouldn’t we continue this somewhere else?”

“Where else would we go?”

“Teiko? We could visit the gym and shoot a few baskets for old times’ sake.”

“You do realise neither of us belong in Teiko?”

 

Akashi turns then, a small bittersweet smile gracing his features,

“I’ll take a raincheck on that game, if you don’t mind’“

 

* * *

 

They shake on it. Akashi’s smaller hand grasping Midorima’s taped fingers with a grip both gentle yet firm at the same time.

The pressure remains after Akashi had removed his arm, reminding him of those days where they had exchanged fist bumps or handshakes. Of course he remembers _that_ handshake and the rejection as well,

 

* * *

* * *

 

Midorima checks his phone for the seventh time that morning. There still hadn’t been any reply from Akashi, and his unsent messages all taunt him from the Trash Folder.

The words Akashi had said to him the last time they had seen each other on those cliffs.

 

> _“You misunderstand me, Midorima._
> 
> _“I called you here to say goodbye.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the delay and screwy tenses. Sorry if the screwy timeline is confuddling as well :(


	3. Kise: Saccharine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kise runs into Akashi. Set a few months from the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry I havent updated in forever D:  
> I also feel like I should clarify that this story ignores all events that happens after the Winter Cup loss including Extra Game (which is great and all and y'all should read it ESPECIALLY CHAPTER 6 but Ive heard theres only one more chapter till it ends D: but yeah. In this fic, I'm ignoring all that. but if anyone wants to fangirl/fanboy over Extra Game/anything really, I'm all yours :)  
> Who's excited for the OVA though? THEY ALL LOOK SO HAPPY IN THE TRAILER <3

_@*$^$(*%@ &!(*#&(*_

_Where the hell is Aominecchi when you need him??!!_ Kise thinks.

 

> Aominecchi was good for few things:
> 
> 1)      Basketball
> 
> 2)      Sleeping
> 
> 3)      Eating
> 
> 4)      Failing academically (his answers were entertaining, though, Kise admits, and it’s not like he himself did much better in tests. He could have if he had tried, but why bother?)
> 
> 5)      Scaring away overzealous fangirls with his face

 

There were more, of course, even Aomine had multiple facets under his seeminly simple exterior. But these are the more prominent of those that come to Kise's mind.

 

> **To: Aominecchi~**
> 
> AOMIECCHI WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> **To: Aominecchi~**
> 
> COME GET MEEEEEEEEE
> 
>  
> 
> **To: Aominecchi~**
> 
> NEXT TIME DONT JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THAT DAMMIT AHOMINECCHI!!!!!!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> **To: Aominecchi~**
> 
> EHHHHH DON’T IGNORE ME :<
> 
>  
> 
> **To Aominecchi~**
> 
> AHO AHO AHOoooOOoOO00OOoo  T^T
> 
>  
> 
> 26 _unread messages_

“Baka Ahominecchi,” Kise mutters under his breath, finally making it to the safety of his hotel after ducking and weaving through a maze of alleys and backstreets to avoid his fans. Not that he doesn’t appreciate them – heck, he _loves_ his fans – but it was troublesome at times.

Absorbed in shooting Aomine another adorably angry text, Kise isn’t as aware of his surroundings as he usually is, and bumps into someone.

 

“Ahahah Sorry, that was clumsy of…

“Akashicchi!!?”

 

“...Kise. Fancy seeing you here.”

“I’m as surprised as you are! Where have you been! We haven’t seen you since the Winter Cup! Where have you been?”

“Japan, mostly. What brings you here?”

Even Kise can tell that Akashicchi is evading the question, but Kise could probably press him for answers later on now that he knows Akashicchi is here.

“Ah I was invited for a movie premiere! It’s that new action moive… Oh Aominecchi’s here with me too, I’ll go -“

Kise turns towards the lifts, but a hand closes around his elbow and stops him.

“No.”

“EHHH??? Akashicchi?”

“I… really would prefer not to have to entertain Aomine at the moment.”

Kise holds Akashi’s gaze for a moment (a new record!), and relents, seeing the mix of conflict, guilt and weariness in crimson eyes and the slight tension in his shoulders.

“Alright, but Akashicchi has to go get coffee with me! Right now!”

Akashicchi releases Kise, visibly relaxing.

“Won’t your fangirls mob you on the way there, though?”

“Ehhhh!! They’re not that bad! Besides, Akashicchi is scary enough to hold them off!”

Was it just Kise, or did Akashi’s expression just darken?

“You don’t have to worry about my fangirls, Akashicchi. Anyways, I’ve had years of practice holding them off from middle and high school!”

“I recall you had quite the fanbase back in middle school. I assume it just grew from then on.”

“I remember Akashicchi’s fans were no joke either back in Teiko! Let’s get going! I know just the place!”

A small smile seems to make its way to Akashi’s lips, just a miniscule quirk upwards. But Kise’s eyes are sharp enough to catch it, and for now it is enough.

Kise remembers being worried for their captain. Perhaps he was just projecting, but Kise knew better than any of the Miracles what pressure from others could do to you.

He knows that he and Akashi barely lay on the same plane. If they were represented as a Venn diagram, the things in the overlapping portion would probably only be gender, species, and basketball.

And Kise knows all the more what it’s like to love basketball, but lose at basketball.

 

* * *

 

He still feels guilty for the events that had conspired at Teiko. He had noticed the change, of course -- anyone who interacted with Akashi enough would have – but he had done _nothing_. Worse, he had eventually caved in to giving up practice. It was natural for Aomine to slack, and Murasakibara practically radiates an aura of not-gonna-move-unless-I-really-have-to-or-if-I-run-out-of-food.

Midorima had stayed. Kuroko had not wavered the least. Kise had no excuse.

 

Fact still stands that when it comes to fame and expectations and handling multiple things at one go, Kise was ironically the most experienced out of all the Miracles. He had more on his plate than Midorima, but he had enough freedom to choose what was important to him.

Kise can’t say he can even begin to comprehend the inner workings of one Akashi Seijuuurou (much less the other), after all he was never expected to be perfect at everything. Just to look pretty, act pretty, pose pretty, smile pretty, talk pretty and impress in basketball prettily.

Kise worries for his captain.

* * *

 

Kise leads Akashi to a small café, tucked away just around a corner. It was secluded enough that the chances of a mob of fangirls finding them was relatively low, but it was still cozy and classy at the same time. Furnished with tasteful wooden furniture, and illuminated with a warm orange glow, the scent of percolating coffee and steaming spiced milk is heavy in the air. Kise gets a sparkling iced fruit tea, and he stirs at the brightly coloured syrup clinging to the bottom of the glass despite the effervescence with his equally bright straw. Akashi sits across Kise with a cup of coffee, and Kise watches with interest as Akashi dumps not one, not two, but _five_ heaped spoonfuls of sugar into his coffee, and adds an unhealthy amount of cream while remaining perfectly composed.

“Akashicchi did always shave a sweet tooth. Remember back in Teiko? We would sometimes bring you back snacks for when you were held up in school or busy. You never ate in front of us, but we saw you disposing the empty wrappers a lot.”

Kise fails to hold back a smile as he reminisces the days when they would all (save Akashicchi, but even he sometimes managed to follow them) get popsicles after practice. (When Akashicchi did come, though, he often finished his popsicle quickly and took his leave.)

There was that one time when Akashi had joined them. Kise supposes perhaps none of the other Miracles would find it particularly memorable, but Kise could feel something different about the air around Akashi that day. It was more relaxed, laid back and withdrawn but in a good way. Languorous. He had chastised Aomine on the mess he made (“Bah who cares?”), lectured Murasakibara on his unhealthy diet (“Ne, doesn’t Akachin like sweet things too?”), mothered Kuroko and offered to share his popsicle with him (“Thank you, Akashi-kun.”), and convinced Midorima to abandon his life-sized rickshaw lucky item for a miniature that he had gotten from god-knows-where (“Thanks… nanodayo.”), and discussed all sorts of things in and outside basketball with Momoi. If Kise had to choose a single moment outside a game with all of them that he could relive over and over again, it’d be that, for they all had seemed happy then, and most importantly they were all still together.

Akashi’s hand ceases its stirring. He seems pleasantly surprised.

“How could I forget? I appreciated that. I wish I could have joined you more often.”

Kise wonders if Akashi is thinking of that time as well.

Akashi lifts his cup to sip at his coffee. His eyes flutter slightly as he swallows the hot liquid, contentment radiating from hiss very being. Kise would call him adorable, if he didn’t fear for his life.

When Akashi looks back at him, his eyes seem wider and brighter.

“I’m glad we ran into each other today.”

For a moment, Kise is taken aback.

“Anytime, Akashicchi!! We should do this more often!!”

The redhead merely smiles back as Kise continues his chatter. Kise talks of his career, and how all the other Miracles have been doing. Akashi seemed genuinely interested, and Kise reckons that he really hadn’t been in touch with any of them for a while.

Before long, their drinks were finished. Kise pauses his talk when Akashi makes a motion reaching into his jacket’s inside pocket. He pulls out a small bottle of tablets, and Kise’s eyes widen. Akashi has two tablets on his palm now, and he makes to swallow but Kise instinctively reaches out.

Akashi stares back quizzically at him.

“Am I making you uncomfortable? Apologies, if I am. I understand some may be averse to seeing others take medication publicly.”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that. It’s just, are you sure it’s alright to take that with caffeine?”

“Do you doubt me, Ryouta.”

Kise can hear the slightly teasing lilt in his tone, but he doesn’t relent.

“I’m certain it’s fine, Kise. Thank you for your concern.”

Shaking Kise’s hand off, Akashi swallows the tablets dry, while Kise winces slightly.

What Kise really wants to know is what the medication is for, obviously. But even he knows some lines shouldn’t be crossed. At least, not yet. Akashi on the most part seems healthy, anyway, and as happy as Kise dared expect him to be.

 

Kise lets it go.

 

Later, he would wish he hadn’t.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part of this fic is inspired by a canon interview with Akashi where he says he wants people to not be scared by him or something like that (which I find adorable)  
> and I'm into the headcanon that Kise is actually really intelligent & perceptive  
> Also gom bringing Akashi stuff when he's too busy to go with them is apparently canon :')  
> As for Akashi's sweet tooth.... just roll with it, mmkay?

**Author's Note:**

> I have the plot more or less written out, but I'm still working out the POVs. I'll probably be switching POVs a lot for the first few chapters. For the first few chapters, pairings will really only be hinted at. Later on there might be development, and POVs will switch less often.


End file.
